AIC Professors Give Tips for Dealing with Holiday Stress

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Paul Quinlan

SPRINGFIELD, MA (11/12/2009)(readMedia)-- At this time of the year, Americans are bombarded with everything from greeting cards to song lyrics to TV ads, all telling us how joyful and happy we should be. But two psychology professor at American International College in Springfield, Mass., say this can also be a very stressful time of year.

Paul M. Quinlan, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology and director of the Curtis Blake Child Development Center. Gregory T. Schmutte, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology and executive vice president for academics.

Quinlan said despite our efforts to have a holly jolly holiday season, sometimes it just doesn't turn out that way. "White-knuckled and dizzy, we buy, cook, clean, decorate, visit, buy, eat, drink, buy and do our best to be merry," Quinlan said. "But, despite the overwhelming messages of holiday cheer, the stress of the season can transform holidays into horror days before we have a chance to ring in the new year. This is even more likely to be true in today's economic climate. Those who are already stressed because they're unemployed may also find themselves unable to put as many presents under the tree this year. Or worse, put themselves further into debt by overspending," he said.

But there is hope. Quinlan said with proper stress management, even the most frazzled holiday celebrant can enjoy a fruitful and joyous season.

"We all have to make sure that we abide by the most important rule: Be prepared. Things can change during the holiday, especially kids. And, we need to anticipate these changes," Quinlan said.

Because the holiday can become truly exciting for young children, Schmutte said they can become excessively demanding. "Expect that children will become more boisterous or impatient than usual, creating problems for mom, dad or anyone else who might be in their way," he said.

Schmutte said parents can expect questions like "Why can't we put up the tree today?" or "Why can't we open some present now?" and even "Why can't we go and see Santa at the mall again?"

"Recognizing that a child's fussiness and elevated energy are related to their anticipation of the holiday, leaves parents better equipped to accept it as such- and not to escalate it by being overly reactive or punitive," according to Schmutte.

With the added pressures that are often felt by families that must travel to be with their loved ones, Quinlan said packing up the children and spending a week with the grandparents may leave everyone feeling displaced.

"Accept it, families don't become perfect, loving and happy like the Cosbys or the Cleavers, simply because it's the holiday season," Quinlan said.

"Prepare to go with the flow. Plan activities that will allow children to blow off steam," he said. "Despite what you see on TV, holidays do not magically solve problems that have simmered for a long time.You probably already know who and what will create stress--forewarned is forearmed. Avoid 'triggers,' both real ones (guns and booze and holidays don't mix) and psychological ones. Holidays are not a time to try to resolve grudges (unless it's Festivus)."

Then there's stress-laden holiday shopping adventures- who to buy for, how much to spend, the crowded malls, long lines at the cash register and fierce competition for parking spaces. As daunting as these situations are, you can prepare for them.

"Decide what you are going to buy and how much you will spend before you leave the house. This will help you resist gorgeous displays, bargain promises and other holiday merchandising ploys designed to part you from your money. And try to shop early in the day, or between four and six at night, when stores are quieter. Above all, don't try to do it all at once. Plan several trips rather than one magnificent shopping spree," Quinlan said.

There are other stress factors that affect the poor, the lonely or those who have suffered a recent loss, according to Schmutte. "The pressures of the season may be even greater, and others' joy may underline their own distress. In this situation, everyone needs to be understanding. "If grandpa starts crying at the holiday dinner table because grandma is in his thoughts, be understanding. Try to help him focus on, and be grateful for, the pleasant times they shared," he said.

And if you find yourself feeling down for whatever reason during the holiday season, Schmutte said, remember that just putting on a happy face usually doesn't work and may even make you feel worse. "Trust in the ear of a spouse or a close friend- they can help just by being a good sounding board. Often, the listener has similar feelings and may also welcome the opportunity to talk."

They both offered some stress-reduction techniques many people find helpful no matter what the season:

Deep breathing. Several times a day, sit comfortably in a quiet place and take three deep breaths, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly to the count of five. Let all your muscles relax as you exhale. Then, concentrate on your normal breathing pattern-inhale, exhale and pause. Most people find it only takes about five minutes to feel very relaxed.

Selfish time. Build some demand-free time into your schedule each day and let those around you know you don't want to be disturbed; then do something you enjoy. Maybe take a hot bath, read a good book, take a brisk walk or just close your eyes in solitude. Exercise. Physical activity is one of nature's best stress reducers. Research shows that even 15 to 20 minutes of gentle exercise daily restores the mind and body by, in part, reducing blood pressure, pulse rate and tension.

Most important, according to the two professors, is to keep holidays in perspective.

"They were not created to tax our wallets, our time, our families, or our psyches. It may help to refocus on the true meaning of the season. It's a religious celebration; a time for sharing with family and friends and a time for escaping everyday routines. Simply reminding yourself of these things could ease some of the drudgery and add to the enjoyment of what can truly be a joyous season."