Transitions -- “Grief When a Teenager Dies”

BALLSTON SPA, NY (11/14/2008)(readMedia)-- Transitions -- "Grief When a Teenager Dies"

By Bonnie McCullough

While it is always traumatic for us to experience and work through grief, the death of a teenager can be especially difficult. Young people are not supposed to die. Their entire life lies before them with all the joy and opportunities the future will bring.

Sometimes a serious illness will cause the death of a teenager. A situation like this prepares family and friends for the possibility of death although hope can still be present for a good outcome.

Especially devastating is grief that results when a teenager is killed in an automobile accident. These days, newspapers have too many accounts of teenagers driving recklessly - texting messages, drinking too much, speeding, having too many passengers in the car. Many teenagers believe that they are invincible and don't think about the consequences of such risky behavior.

Reports from the World Health Organization (WHO) and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have revealed some troubling findings. In the United States, about two out of every five deaths for teens are caused by auto accidents. Drivers between 16 and 19 are four times more likely than older drivers to be involved in an accident.

Families who experience such a loss must realize that they are not responsible especially if they have warned young people about the dangers of irresponsible behavior. Guilt has no place in the grieving process.

Teens who have lost a friend or schoolmate in a car accident or other tragedy are likely to grieve differently according to Alan Wolfelt, grief counselor and author of "Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens." He suggests that teens may resist pressure to grieve openly. It is important to recognize that teens may not acknowledge the pain they feel.

Parents and friends who are experiencing extreme grief after such a loss should consult their funeral director, who is often a certified grief counselor. The local Hospice Organization often has special programs to help work through grief resulting from the death of a young person.

The Compassionate Friends, founded in 1969, can also be helpful. It has 600 chapters and offers mutual assistance, friendship and understanding to families following the death of a child. Its website is www.compassionatefriends.org and the toll free telephone number is 877-969-0010.

Another resource that can be helpful is the Bookstore which be found on the New York State Funeral Directors Association's website at www.nysfda.org. There are many publications found here including "Supporting Children through Grief and Loss .

So many accidental teenage deaths can be avoided through community education and the enactment of stricter laws to regulate teenage drivers. Perhaps the best way to relieve grief is to actively lobby for these laws so that teenagers and their parents will be better protected.

(Bonnie McCullough is executive director of the New York State Funeral Directors Association, an organization of more than 800 funeral homes and 3000 licensed funeral directors.)

If you have a question about funeral service or would like a list of NYSFDA member funeral directors in your area, contact NYSFDA, 426 New Karner Road, Albany, NY 12205 or visit the website: www.nysfda.org)

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